I Might as Well Have Shredded My Birth Plan....

....because labor and delivery were nothing like the visions I had in my mind. I wasn't too worried about labor, because I knew I'd get an epidural. Surely, God wouldn't allow a wuss like me to go through labor without one. I prayed for it. It was a done deal....God and I had an understanding. If you don't want to hear the details of the birth, stop reading now! You can't be offended, because I warned you. So there. But I'll try not to be graphic. :)

Gerrit and I headed to the hospital at 7:30 on Thursday night for my scheduled induction. We were all nervous smiles as we checked in, I got my gown on, and the nurses got us all set up. I was given Cervidil, which is supposed to get contractions started. The intent was to use that for 12 hours and switch to Pitocin (to really get labor going) at 8:30 the next morning.

We went to sleep around 10:30. Gerrit was on the pull-out couch and I was all hooked up to monitors on my hospital bed. Not long after that, I started getting uncomfortable. I was cramping every 5-10 minutes. The nurse checked in on me once and awhile when I needed help getting unplugged from the monitor to use the bathroom. She asked how I was feeling each time and I told her I was uncomfortable. She assured me I should be feeling cramps; that's what the medicine was supposed to do. I couldn't tell if I was sleeping or not in between these "cramps." They were getting stronger and closer together. I started counting slowly to 5 in my mind, knowing the cramp would go away shortly after that. Soon, I had to count to 10, then to 20. I kept thinking, My gosh! If this is bad, I can't imagine what contractions will be like! How am I going to do this?! How am I going to push a baby out?! I left Gerrit sleeping on the couch, thinking that we had a long tomorrow ahead of us. I would be in labor and I would need him alert. So, I breathed and tried to find my happy place.

By 4am, I was miserable. The nurse (Deb) came in to check on me and I let her know I was uncomfortable. She decided she should check me out. As she examined me, her eyes grew wide. She said, "Honey...you are dilated to 3 or 4 already. I'm going to take the medicine out, because you obviously don't need it. You're in labor." My thoughts: Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh. I was in labor and didn't know it? But then I got excited and asked, "Can I get an epidural now?" Deb smiled with understanding and said, "Let me make that call for you. We'll order that and get it going." My thoughts: Praise God. I made it this far without an epidural. And now I get one! Smooth sailing ahead!

I woke Gerrit up and let him know of my progress. He got up, ready to be my support through my epidural and bliss-filled labor. Oh but wait.....4:30am came around and by now, I felt intense pressure. One nurse told me those were the "magic words." What does that mean???? Nurse Deb came back in and upon hearing of my "pressure" checked me. Once again, her eyes grew wide. She said, "My goodness. You are moving quickly. You are dilated to 7 already." To that I said, "And my epidural is coming soon, riiiiiight?" With sympathy in her voice, she said, "Cassie, I don't want to tell you that you can't get the epidural. I won't say that. But you just don't need it." My thoughts: YES, I DO! My eyes filled with tears and I cried, "I really want one!" Deb calmly said, "I know you do, dear. But by the time we get them up here, get the epidural going, and it starts working, you are going to be sitting on the baby's head ready to push. You are moving so fast, the epidural will not help you."

*{Cue the sound of my labor dreams shattering.}*

No, no, no. I am not a natural birth kind of gal! This is not for me! I specifically asked God for an epidural!

Instead, Deb gave me a shot of Nubain to "take the edge off." I felt tingly as it ran through my body. I grew groggy. But let me tell ya...no "edge" was taken off. What "edge" are we referring to? The midwife, Charita, came to hospital at 5:05am. She asked if she had time to change into her scrubs. Deb told her to hurry. By 5:10am, Charita was back. She and Deb were giving me advice on how and when to push. Until now, I had been holding back on pushing because they weren't ready yet. But by 5:15am or so, everyone was ready for pushing to begin. The nurse and Gerrit were on either side of me. The midwife was ready at the end to catch the baby.

As I pushed, things moved quickly. The baby's head was visible after a few rounds of pushing. Gerrit was encouraging me with, "She's here. She's coming. You're doing so great. Here she is." So, in my mind, this meant the baby was here. I wouldn't need to push again...not so much. He thought once you saw the head, the baby came all the way out. That's what movies and TV will teach you. Can you blame him? I pushed again and again. I laid back, nearly falling asleep between each push. I thought it wouldn't end. I remember crying out, "I can't do this!" But lo and behold, by 5:43am, Adeline made her real entrance into the world.

The feeling of relief was overwhelming. They laid her on my chest as they wiped her down. We said our "hellos", and they whisked her off to be checked out. Gerrit stood by her protectively, filling me in on what was going on. I didn't get to hold her again for about a half hour. I looked at her not really knowing what to think. I couldn't believe this had all happened...and not at all how I had planned! Adeline was very alert as she checked out the world. She didn't look like anyone I knew...but she was beautiful. I couldn't believe she belonged to us. Wowza.

So, that's the long and short of her delivery. It was not at all how I had planned it would be! But then again, it wasn't really up to me, was it? ;)