From Whence I Came

I had two lovely trips recently. I went home for my old friend, Gayle's, wedding. Then, just a bit later went to Iowa to see my grandma, Rosalie (whom Adeline got her middle name of "Rose" from). On both trips, I traveled alone with Adeline because Gerrit had to work. Am I insane? Perhaps. But she's a good little traveler and the time with family was therapeutic for me. Although, we missed Gerrit dearly (yay for Skype!).

Here is my dad, spending some "educational" time with Addie. Doing some of their favorite thing...watching TV. He was surprised at her strength and called her "a little linebacker." I'm kind of hoping that doesn't turn out to be true, though we'll support her in that endeavor if we must. :)

Here are all the hometown friends that were able to attend Gayle's wedding. So much fun! Grandma and Grandpa Magee babysat. I felt like a teenager there with all my old friends, especially without Gerrit or Addie there. I did turn into a pumpkin early though. Troy, an old friend and the DJ for the night, sent me out the door with "Bye Bye Bye" by 'NSYNC. :)

The Bride and I!

And just for your viewing pleasure, the Bride and I in high school (in opposite order). We were both in the "Music Man," hence the caked on make-up and classy attire.

On to the next trip! My grandma had not met Adeline yet. She didn't even have a recent picture (because I'm a bad granddaughter!). Addie is her 31st great-grandchild! If you think that's amazing, you should know that she can name them all and "loves them all special" (as she sometimes says).

Addie comes from a long line of sassy women. My mom and grandma have spunk, for sure!

It was almost harder to get my grandma to look at the camera than it was to get Adeline to. :) Love ya, Grandma.

On both trips, my mom spoiled me. Before I could do things like clean a bottle or change a diaper, it was already done. I got lots of mom, dad and grandma love. It was so hard to leave. I probably wouldn't have, if not for the love I have for my husband back home. Darn you, Gerrit, for being so loveable!

A bit of honesty...the postpartum time has been rough for me. I needed these trips for my own well-being. I know the blog isn't always the place for dirty laundry. But I just don't feel right about sharing smiley pictures and witty banter, without also sharing that I'm struggling. It wouldn't be honest and it wouldn't be helpful for someone else struggling to think that motherhood has been easy-breezy for me. I cry....a lot. I even moved my grandma to tears. You know you're a mess when your emotion makes Rosalie cry. She's more prone to give a sassy comment. But she hugged me and said, "Give me some of your burden. I can take it. I want to help you and I don't know how." *Cue more tears*

It's more than baby blues at this point. Gerrit has been a saint with putting up with me. He tells me not to apologize for crying on his shoulder (he's got two to use, he says). My mom has been praying her heart out. My dad says just the right thing at just the wrong time (when I'm ready to cry more, that is. Thanks, Dad. Truly.) My sister's send helpful, funny texts. But yet, it's a dark time in my heart, when it should be full of joy. Adeline is beautiful and I'm thankful that I've been able to love her and bond with her. None of my feelings are directed to her. It's very internal. God can seem distant in times like these. I know He isn't, but it's the way I feel at times. I know, too, that He's the one that's going to get me through. He's moved bigger mountains than this. But your prayers are always appreciated.

Sorry if my blubbering is a bit too heavy or a TMI. It's where I am; and it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to. To leave you on a lighter note:

She's pretty stinkin' cute. Note Grandma Gwen in the reflection of her sunglasses. :)